Saturday, 6 September 2014

Something #Fishy... a funny snippet

You lucky lot, two blogs from me in so many days!  

So, en route home from Bideford (in the worst traffic EVER); we've only set off 10 mins or so, when I start to sniff out a dreadful whiff. 

Suspect No 1:  Mikey has instead of putting a kitchen rubbish bag into the outside bin, he's stuck it in the boot when loading the suitcases, he told me hadn't; but I didn't believe him! We stopped at some drive-by toilet (I've never seen such a thing), pull the boot apart, and true to his word, there isn't a rubbish bag in the car! 

Suspect No 2:  Liz's feet, bless her, I upset her by insisting that she's never in her whole life dried her toes and feet properly and as consequent they stink! She did get upset (I am sorry about that), and insisted I find a pair of socks (in a moving car) to a mask the smell.  After a while I realise the smell is coming from the front of car, so could rule out poor old Lizzy. 

Suspect No 3:  So it's coming from the front of the car, clearly and obviously I don't smell, so I start covertly leaning over to give Mr C a whiff, it didn't appear to be him.... 

Funny throughout the whole 'who smells' investigation, I didn't suspect Willow, who actually does smell bad a lot of the time!  His bad smells are individual to him I suppose I know and recognise them! 

So, after an hour or so, I tuck into the lunch bag looking for sweeties to quieten the kids, as I unzip the bag the fishy smell turns my stomach, 5 little seashells, found on Instow beach the previous day are the culprit... I was for throwing them out the window, but Liz wanted to keep hold of them (God only knows why, they're sat now on the kitchen window sill, they'll be there for a year or two, before I get fed up of all this 'sentimental' rubbish and chuck them out).  So we double wrap them in Liz's socks, and hide them in the dashboard, the smell does go a bit. 

On getting home, I soaked the shells in a bit of demestos, and you never guess what... one of the shells, about the size of a bigger walnut, out pops a black fish, dead I might add.  

Ahh the fishy smell was actually a fish!  

All rather dull, but it gave me a laugh, and at least the 'who smells' suspicion killed some of the six hour journey back to Manchester. 

xx Emma-Lou x


Friday, 5 September 2014

Back to School #Overwhelmed

Well first week back and as usual my September New Academic Year Resolution is to keep on top of the correspondence... 

Well I had a mare this morning, and I'm not drama-ing up for comic effect. Right so bearing in mind, I've to be at work at 9am, I have to drop off at morning club, and then head miles away to the not so local nanna's to drop off the lad (in good traffic it should be an hour round trip, in the many years of doing this trip... there's NEVER been a good morning for traffic).  

So the school correspondence was plentiful!  First a couple of signatures in the old link book, signing up for adhering to golden rules, thing is I couldn't find the page listing the golden rules, you've got to read the small print, I might be like signing up for keeping punctual (they'd have me there!), I flicked a bit couldn't find the right page so had to sign blind!  

Dinner money, a massive £85.50 for the term... our cheque book - (of course) missing, was certain to keep it in the dresser in the kitchen to avoid these morning time search-fests, found it in my bedside cabinet... (I know EIGHTY FIVE quid.....!). 

Another signature.... PTA film night, tricky... this required £3.50 in correct change... I nicked £2.50 from husbands suit jacket added a pound.  Dug out a tiny envelope, married up the permission slip. 

Clubs, we had to indicate what we'd like (the forms then to follow).... so we're interested in, gardening club, choir and 'the big comedy club'... now the 'the big comedy club' costs a tenner a time... so I'm discouraging, while Liz is bemoaning "but I really want to go" (she even tried "you promised last term"), thing is I already pay for after school club on the same day... I'm not made of money.  So trying to manage the girls expectations... and not finding gardening club listed..... 

All sorted YES, pleased with myself, I sweep paperwork up and the blinkin' coins fall out the envelope, on hands and knees, shouting at Liz "For goodness sake can you not fill up your own water bottle".  I cellotape the envelope down (a lot)!

To school, I wouldn't trust her to keep hold of the precious paperwork till she goes in, I direct her to 'Mrs Laguda's letterbox'... guess what she waves at me, she's missing the PTA envelope... she 'thinks' it's in the footwell of the car... 


Phew.. so I'm winning on this score, wave her off.


I get to Carrington Spur, then realise the son hasn't got a coat... FFS I can't drop off at MIL without a coat... she'd ring the social..... grrrr......

Hometime, we have two more forms... one for choir, the other for 'the drama shed'... this is new, this needs a cheque and another form.... arghhh..... look at them, loads of dates all over them, I'll have to mark them somewhere...




The scary thing is, I'll have two of them at school from next week... I need a PA, any takers, I can only pay in mint imperials... 


I reckon after the morning we had, we deserved our after school treat of sticky toffee pudding and pinot grigio. 




xx Emma-Lou


Friday, 30 May 2014

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to...

So I've had my birthday... I am now the grand old age of 34... there's a nasty rumour starting the rounds at work.. that I'm 37, and have been hiding my real age for years!  Swines, I'm happy to bring in my birth certificate...

So I was born in 1980, I've got the CD, you know the one you get in a greeting card... music stars of the day include... Blondie, Eddy Grant, Kate Bush, Spandau Ballett, and Dennis Waterman (I could be so good for you.... brilliant yes?).   Other news, Gandhi wins the Indian election, USA pull out of the Moscow Olympics, John Lennon murdered outside his New York apartment... these events are like dead old... so I suppose I must be!
Evidence of my actual age!
I'm not too bothered though, my hairdresser made me smile the other day (after telling me I should keep my hair long now... as a shorter style would age me!), she goes "my mother is always harking on that she's glad she knows what she knows"... I always hark on the same.. am I now likened to my very young hairdressers mothers generation!  Ah well... I'm glad I'm a wisened old cynic.. there's nothing naive about me these day, back in the day.. I believed ANYTHING...

There are many benefits of knocking on... you don't have to comply to fashion, or listen to Radio 1, or fit into a particular scene...  I've spent many a horrific night in the Crazy House (Liverpool), listening to god awful music... but pretending to love it!  I can listen to whatever I like, I'm proud to enjoy Elaine Page do her musicals show on Sunday (Radio 2).  My music taste is all over the place and my collection, glancing up at my shelf of CDs (see I am old... I don't buy music digitally...) of those recently added to my iPhone (honestly not doctored, I've not hidden anything truly shite!)... see not to bad eh?  (although those with a keen eye might spot 'Ultimate Dirty Dancing').  I tweeted the other day on this, my musical tastes are truly my own.. and if I want to belt out Cheryl Cole... then I will without fear of reproach... you've gotta fight, fight, fight, fight for this love!

Maybe I might of hidden one or two.. the Ray Quinn Swingy CD?
Thing is, the problem I suppose, I sort of think I'm really trendy and young... and I know that when Lizzy gets to her teenage years.. I'll step it up and try and 'get down' with the kids and try and pal up to her and her mates.  She already rolls her eyes at me, can't see her letting me come along to Mojo's with her on a Saturday night, she might let me pick her up (I'm one of those mum's... I'll be picking up at 2 o'clock in the morning).

My recent love of a 'little port', another testimony of my advancing years (I got a bottle of sherry for my birthday... I was made up!).  I actively avoid places that are 'too loud'.  I can't hear myself think in Kro (Oxford Road) and once diverted a whole staff do' to a different venue "because honestly you can't hold a decent conversation in there".  Another thing I do now I'm confidently bolshy, I'm never happy where I'm sat in restaurants... to the horror of my husband...  I usually ask to move "I'm not paying to sit in a draft".

Vouchers and coupons, now I'm older and not bothered to hold the queue up at Sainsburys, I'll spend a good five minutes digging out my nectar card.  I like to knit (badly and have never actually finished a scarf.. it's ongoing... but I do have the most amazing knitting bag), do jigsaws, watch re-runs of 'Sex in the City', play scrabble, the list of ridiculous past times goes on!

I'm not too bad, I can hold my own with the youth of today... I still buy the odd thing in Topshop... it's not like I've completely given up the goose and got an account at Bonmarche.... I do groan when I get up from sitting though, with an old aged creek.... now my knees are bad (really just an excuse to avoid running!).

Happy to be getting older, I LOVE BIRTHDAY's, I (rightly and appropriately) always get spoilt rotten!

Here we are on my birthday, Saturday night in town, cocktail bar.. getting pissed... don't feel my age at all!

xx Emma-Lou

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Cats, aren't they meant to be low-maintenance, no trouble at all?

How do I feel about my pussy cats? 


Mostly they're hard work!  The kitty we had previously was a person really in feline form, Mosey was as fat as could be and liked sitting on newspapers and mithering for food! When my beloved Mosey died, I wasn't prepared for the grief and I didn't realise how dearly I loved him (the night he died I cancelled going to see a Take That tribute act... I was really upset).  

Perhaps that's why I hold back from the two we have now, the surly, aggressive, Jimmy, and the nervous, over-grooming Betty.  Rescued from the RSPCA, we got them from kittens, who by account had been badly treated, had a bit of a rough start in life. Jimmy is a killing machine, number one bird assassin! He's better lately, but we've had gifts of tiny birds, bigger pigeons and many, many mice... grim!  The corpses I can cope with... it's when the poor things aren't quite dead... and my conscience has to ask questions of euthanasia (once I spent half-hour best considering how to finish off a mouse humanely, luckily the mouse expired before I approached with a spade!)

They truly aren't low-maintenance though!  This the other night, sorry it's a bit gross.  I woke up to nasty smell, I'm convinced the smell actually woke me, can you be woken by a smell? Anyway, the first culprit was Willow, so I went to him and give him a sniff, I got ten ways of him telling me to 'sod off', nowty and sleepily 'bye, bye' 'see you later' 'night night' 'bed time' 'no more', but the smell wasn't coming from him (for a change)!  

I went to bathroom to check the toilet and drains, nothing.  But the smell was dreadful, it was like death! I got back into bed, gave husband a prod 'can you smell that dreadful smell', he grunted something or other.. and I went back to sleep but kept waking up to the putrid smell.

Well in the morning, on the stairs was a big pooh left behind by one of the cats... this isn't usual, cats don't pooh all over the house... or do they?  I was fuming... but actually I was relived to find the pooh.. I wondered if I was going nasally mad!  

This was an isolated incident, but the dead animals, Betty looking like a waif and stray whose got mange... they seem like hard work.  But we do love them, Betty went missing for weeks, and I was beside myself, traipsing the streets, pinning posters to lampposts (to note I didn't offer reward). I suppose it's more my fault that I step in their wet-cat-food bowls in bare feet!  

Meow!  xx Emma-Lou 

Saturday, 10 May 2014

Friday Frolics with Work Buds

Trying to blog more, so hand in hand with this comes even more trivia, sorry about that! 

So last night, after a box of wine down in the staff kitchen, we headed to: 


Friday Food Fight at Upper Campfield Market


Was a bloody long walk from Oxford Rd, my horrible work colleagues, were like, "it's only round the corner" "a left after the Palace clock"... I practically sobered up with all that walking and fresh air. 

But it was the worth the excursion, just up by Spinningfields, opp Hilton Hotel.  

Can only recommend, and would defo go along before it closes at the end of May.  There are loads of different food stands, most of them cost around £5-£6, I read somewhere that the portions are tiny, but I didn't think so, one or two of the different dishes would just be right. You'd be pushed to find something you didn't fancy, the sweet potato chips were tasty tasty, as was the pulled pork and jerk chicken.  I didn't have pudding of my own, but scaved a bit from nearby plates (friends... I'm not some sort of vagrant), will save room next time for cake.. the slices of cake I noticed were massive (enough for two if you're not the greedy type... I wouldn't share a piece if I were being honest though).  

Tunes were great, the benches and squashing up made it sort of feel like a school disco, but in a good way. Get there as near to 5:30pm as you can, gets busy (nicely crowded I'd say).

Tram home, bit of a swayie walk from stop, must of still been peckish as I stopped at the Atlantic Fish Bar for my favourite, a couple of potato scallops "don't be stingy with the salt and vinegar".  

But all present and correct as I got in, all belongings accounted for, front door locked securely, kids checked on, little email (not looked at my sent items, lord knows what I've been sending), I didn't take my eye make-up off, so not a complete score-card!  

Rough this morning... BUT I did still my bit for community and country, Parkrun Marshal, all yellow-visored up!  Ah was nice, but the exessive clapping made my brain rock inside my head.  Did make me feel warm and fuzzy when I got the odd shout 'thanks Marshal', sad act me...

PTA supporting duties this afternoon (see I do my bit for that), kids treasure hunt round Chorlton, not sure when I'm to fit in the big food shop.  Chances are I might get the kids a happy meal and phone for a take away... Chinese or Indian... 

Have a good weekend, xx Emma-Lou 

Info on Friday Food Fight: http://www.manchesterconfidential.co.uk/Food-and-Drink/Friday-Food-Fight-at-Upper-Campfield-Market-Beat-Street-Manchester 

Thursday, 8 May 2014

Blogging mum shortlisted for award (StaffNet - The University of Manchester)

The blogging Goddess that is Kerrie... my inspiration!  She's got to get to that award ceremony... I'm fairly sure she's already eyed up a dress!  I'm lucky to know Kerrie in real life, she's a great colleague and we have a riot at work (when we're not like running the University).

Blogging mum shortlisted for award (StaffNet - The University of Manchester)

What's in it for me... if we all vote, she's promised baked goods.... and songs at Team Brief...

VOTE KEZZER x




Silly Musings....




My role, PA to these two

1. As soon as I turn on either the hoover (seldom) or hair-dryer, my daughter starts a conversation with me... I indicate I can't hear her, she mithers it's important, I switch off appliances... it's utter trivia 'you know Mia at school, she has a lovely new head-band'.... 

2. When I've left my two upstairs unattended for more than five minutes, they've flooded the bathroom... splisp splash splosh.... the price you pay for five minutes peace (as long as water isn't leaking through ceiling...). 

3. Before the kids, I must of like swept up three times in my life... honestly these days a broom is permanently attached to my arm in our house.  I'm not kidding, once I considered taking a dustpan and brush to our local cafe, as the looks they gave me when Willow attacked a teacake the time before. 
Accessory?

4.  When you're running late for a party... the sellotape and scissors are nowhere to be found... 

5. It is impossible to work the catch up/box set bit on BT Vision, when you have a child crying and British Gas on the phone trying to arrange an appt.  It throws me... that said, if the telly is off when my daughter goes to school it stays off all day, shamefully I can't switch it on.  (Don't despair we can download the daily dose of Ben and Holly to a laptop.)  

6.  Working is great, pure unadulterated cups of coffee bliss.  You can pretty much have one whenever you want. The poor stay at home mums... you've got to pity them... they leave their brews out of reach, then forget about them when sorting washing. 

7.  Baby wipes you either have 64 half packets knocking round or not a single one in the house! 

8.  I'm thinking of entering this one in for a World Record, I can do full make up (inc. day and eye cream) in three red lights along princess parkway... although once a rozzer did knock on my window and give me dirty look (made me smudge my mascara). 

9.  Some of the worse moments of my life have been spent in soft play centres, low points include, splitting my jeans climbing into the ball pool and my female offspring vomming in the curly slide. 

10.  I don't get on with online food shopping, it takes me three times as long (prob as I get distracted on FB), also I actually like the virtual element of heading to Sainsbury's, it's like a little trip out away from my family, I take ages, hours.  Same reason I go to the gym, once I missed gym entry by a minute... I thought blow it, I'm out now, and sat in my car texting for 50 minutes!

Saying all this, I love the busy busy rush rush of juggling the kids, work, house, husband, cats, friends (this is not order of priority btw...!).  I realise within the circles I fall in, my gorgeous baby group, colleagues, friends, school mummies in the playground, we're all busy, we're all cutting corners, struggling to find the cheque book at ten to nine to pay for the bloody Viking trip.  It's okay to send your daughter in with a cardi on from the ironing pile (good shake will right that) or distracting your toddler with five episodes of back to back Peppa Pig and bourbon biscuits isn't really neglect (is it?). 


Nobody in the world ever has an
empty clothes maiden right? 


It's real life and it's loads of fun. 


 
Cue, lets' fall about laughing.  xx Emma-Lou